The article’s headline—Erin Wotherspoon Serial Dating For Free Restaurant Meals—immediately caught my attention.
Apparently, a 23-year-old in Toronto has bamboozled dozens of unsuspecting bros by going on dates with them—just for an extravagant free meal.
To make matters worse, she then boasts about these deplorable acts in her blog. A sampling: “I’ve got a pretty face and a pretty expensive Urban Spoon wishlist…I’ve decided to let someone else finance my dream…(of eating) at pretty restaurants without costing me a penny.“
Unsurprisingly, her exploits have incensed many. Mostly men, as evidenced by responses left in various comments sections:
—This hoe needs a good fucking slap in the face with a shovel and to lay in a bed 6 feet deep, disgusting…
—typical dumb ugly skank
Yikes! Nothing infuriates a man more than being victimized by a gold-digging woman. Even if he isn’t the victim.
Now, it’d be easy to offer a scathing, vitriolic critique of this woman’s questionable moral character. That’s not, however, what I’m here to do.
Instead, I’ll turn my attention to the gentlemen who’re getting got and pose the obvious question: Fellas, the hell were y’all thinking?
Women taking advantage of men is hardly a recent phenomenon.
It began when Eve convinced Adam, counter to all sound logic, to indulge in the forbidden fruit. Thus, Adam was immediately jettisoned from the luxurious Garden of Eden—further solidifying his status as the world’s first and foremost pussy-whipped chump.
MANkind has yet to recover.
In modern times, at any given moment there’s a gathering of women having a girls night in which they don provocative leggings and Louboutin pumps, sip riesling, and discuss, in candid detail, the hapless men they’ve suckered into doing their bidding.
Fellas, how could we allow this to happen?
What would history’s greatest men—bad-asses of generations past—think?
The Spartan army of 300 didn’t lay down their lives for us to wuss out centuries later.
The great King Leonidas is, at this very moment, rolling in his grave.
Are we not men?
Thus, allow me to proclaim the aforementioned incident with the 23-year-old Canadian as the tipping point. The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.
To avoid being led astray by a scandalous, unscrupulous woman—one must simply identify the red flags. Which include:
- She insists on a lavish restaurant for the first date. RED FLAG
- Answering her phone during dinner is a regular occurrence. RED FLAG
- At her insistence, YOUR salary and credit score are first-date topics. RED FLAG
- Your use of a Groupon at dinner greatly embarrasses her. RED FLAG
- She refuses to eat at chain restaurants. RED FLAG (although, to be fair—throughout time, no respectable young lady’s ever emerged from a first date at the Outback Steakhouse and proclaimed “That was amazing! Care for a nightcap at my place?”)
- It’s been 3+ dates without her picking up the check. RED FLAG
- She regularly, and unapologetically, orders the most expensive entrée on the menu. RED FLAG
- Although she invites you to dinner—she expects YOU to pay. RED FLAG
- She scoffs at suggestions of a quiet night at home watching movies. RED FLAG
- In public, she regularly scans the room instead of maintaining eye contact. RED FLAG
- During dinner, she checks in on Foursquare, Facebook, and Pinterest—but doesn’t mention YOU. RED FLAG
- She constantly checks her phone during a first-date dinner. RED FLAG
- Eating at the cozy BYOB sushi spot is out of the question. RED FLAG
- She regularly insults men by claiming “they can’t afford her.” RED FLAG
- During dinner—she casually mentions that she has a boyfriend. RED FLAG
- Your calls and texts go ignored—until she wants you to take her out. RED FLAG
- She allows her dog to watch y’all in the bedroom amidst the throes of passion. RED FLAG (actually, disregard that last one. Bad personal memory)
Brothers, recognizing these warning signs will help you avoid having the wool pulled over your eyes by the next temptress in a short skirt, cleavage-baring blouse, and stilletos.
It’s time to stand up and reclaim our dignity and manhood—before all is lost.