Von

…from my good friends at AT&T.

So I was taking a look at my checking account online and noticed that they charged me too much (I set it up so they debit what I owe every month automatically, ’cause I ain’t no good with payin’ bills on time). Way more than they usually do.

It had to be a mistake.

I was ready to get on the phone and cuss ’em the hell out (well, not really. I’m no good at standing up to customer service reps). 

But before I called ’em up to demand an explanation, I figured I’d check my bill online.

I logged on and saw that they indeed charged me a good $25 more than I’m used to payin’. Time’s are too rough in this Bush eceonmy for them to be robbin’ me.

How the hell could this happen?
Anyone who knows me knows I ain’t a phone person. At all.
And when I do talk, I use my cell phone.
I really only have my home phone ’cause I need it for high-speed Internet access (I think I’m gon’ switch to Vonage. They won’t charge me up the ass just for a dial tone).

So why the hell was my bill so high?

Then I thought about it, I had been letting my boy use my computer.
Dude had gone through a series of unfortunate events that left him kinda crippled financially. So much so that his home phone, cell, and Internet had been disconnected. So I let ol’ boy use mine while I was gone to work.

And apparently that fool took it upon himself to use my phone.
Which ain’t really a big deal—as long as he ain’t OVERuse that muhfukka, everything would be cool.

As I took a look at my bill (it’s amazing how detailed their records are: time, date, and length of call—no wonder why these dudes be gettin’ caught creepin’), I noticed that he did make quite a few calls.

But since those were local, it was cool. ’Cause those are pretty cheap ($1.44 in all).

But as I scrolled down, I saw that dude called 411 (information) a bunch of times. And that shyt is NOT cheap!

$1.50 a call.

Again, kinda foul, but not a huge deal.

But shyt got real when I scrolled down further.

’Cause that’s when I came to the horrific realization that ol’ boy was makin’…LONG DISTANCE CALLS!

Downstate Illinois (Naperville, Downer’s Grove).
Detroit!
Philly!
Columbia, Maryland (who the fukk lives in Columbia, Maryland?!?!?!?!)?
Los fukkin Angeles, California!

Dude was talkin’ coast to coast on my shyt!

All he had to do was call Texas and he would have hit EVERY major region of the United States of America.

All in all, he acted a damn fool and ran up $20 in long-distance calls and $25 overall.

When I holla’d at dude about it, to his credit, he apologized profusely and told me he’d hit me back with the $25 that he ran up.

No harm, no foul—but that dude is a damn fool.