Von

Here are the top five things women can get away with—but we (men) can’t (click here for the things men can’t get away with that hit the cutting room floor).

1) Not pulling out your wallet on the first couple dates: No matter what these “independent” women claiming they “don’t need a man to do nothin’ for ‘em” assert, when that shiny black leather envelope comes at the end of dinner—they expect yo’ ass to pick it up. And handle it. No matter how beautifully the date goes beforehand—the real moment of truth happens when the check arrives.

‘Cause if you don’t pay, you ain’t gettin’ a second date (a second date where you’ll again be expected to foot the bill). Plus, as soon as they get in their car, they’re gon’ call their girls (no matter how late it is) and dog you the hell out.

2) Asking their partner to investigate the loud, mysterious noise they heard outside the bedroom in the middle of the night: Words you’ll NEVER hear a man say to his significant other: “What the hell was that?! Honey, can YOU go check it out? I’ll stay here and dial 9-1-1 .”

3) Touching the dancers at the strip club: Not only is it cool for the young ladies to touch (aka, grope, molest, stroke, etc) a male stripper—it’s encouraged. If one of the fellas touched a stripper at the titty bar? We get a critical beatdown courtesy of several 300-pound bouncers and subsequently thrown out on the cold pavement like Uncle Phil used to do Jazzy Jeff back in the day.

4) Staying at home to raise the kids while the spouse supports the family: It’s normal for women to sacrifice their hopes and dreams to embrace the role of stay-at-home mom. But you wanna know who really respects the “men” who forego a successful career to stay home, take care of the kids, clean the house, wash the dishes, scrub the toilet, walk the dog, and make sure dinner is ready when wifey walks through the door?

No one (not even ol’ girl).

5) Cockblocking friends at the club because they’re deeply wounded that no one is tryin’ to holla at her: While having a jealous woman sabotage her friends’ night on the town by imposing her will and single-handedly stopping anyone in the group from getting any male attention may be OK for women—shyt’s completely unacceptable for men.

Us gentlemen live by a code of honor—a set of rules. One of which explicitly prohibits cockblocking our boys for ANY reason. Failure to obey this essential guideline results in one being ostracized, labeled a “hater,” and permanently banned from any future group outings (“Hell naw I ain’t call Phil. That hatin’-ass dude blocked Mustafa from holla-ing at ol’ girl last weekend.”)

Women who cockblock? They’re invited out the very next weekend.