Von

Remember the Top 5 Things Women Can Get Away With—But Men Can’t blog from a while ago?
What about the Things Women Can Get Away With—But Men Can’t (the cutting room floor) blog?

Well, here are 13 MORE Things Women Can Get Away With—But Men Can’t:

Turning down sex: When a dude gets shot the hell down for trying to “get some” late at night, we just have to accept that shyt. Grin and bear it. If a woman gets her sexual advances declined—it shatters her fragile ego to the point that she has to launch a full-scale internal investigation as to the reasons why (he’s a DL brotha, he doesn’t find me attractive anymore, he’s just not that into me, etc).

Never having to take out the garbage: Something a man will never be heard asking his significant other, “Honey, can YOU take out the garbage?” Bottom line: if there’s a man around, a woman ain’t NEVER gon’ take out the garbage. EVER!

Not owning a car: Fellas, when’s the last time a woman picked YOU the hell up for a date? Can’t remember? Wanna know why? ‘Cause it ain’t never happened.

Gossiping: Can y’all really trust a dude who’s on TMZ all day and runs around talkin’ about everybody else’s business?

Sneaking food into the movie theater in the summer: The ONLY time we actually like women’s purses.

Not knowing how to fix a car: Ain’t no thang if a woman can’t fix her ride—they’ll just call a man to do it. If a guy can’t fix a car—His manhood is questioned.

Having a successful, high-paying career based solely on the size of your booty: My ass is pretty big—but ain’t nobody offering me tons of money for videos, calendars, club appearances, etc.

Using the opposite sex’s bathroom in public: I’ve been to concerts where the women have used our bathrooms because their line is too damn long. And it’s acceptable? If I tried to use the women’s bathroom? I’d be “escorted” out by a team of 300-pound security guards and removed from the premises.

Having 99% of their friends be of the opposite sex: When’s the last time you heard a dude say, “Mostly all of my friends are women. I just don’t get along with guys”?

Becoming a celebrity by making a sex tape with a famous person: If I could get rich and famous by making a sex tape with Whoopi Goldberg—I still wouldn’t do it.

Having a ménage a trios’ with a member of the same sex: If by chance I ever end up being included in a threesome, another dude is NOT gon’ be participating.

Wearing fake hair: A gentleman with a toupee or hairpiece is a laughingstock. A joke. But women with weave encompass more than 50% of the female population.

Getting aroused in public without anyone knowing: If I happen to get a boner at work (it has happened before), I have to stay at my desk until that muhfukka goes down? Women? They can stroll around the office with hard nipples and moisture—and no one would be the wiser.